Wherever You Go…

(Take a deep breath before you read)

Have you ever heard the expression ‘Wherever you go, there you are’? Jon Kabat-Zinn wrote a book of the same title in 1994, a book of passages about meditation and everyday mindfulness. I have read and re-read the book many times, and it’s calling to me again as a subtle reminder that all I have is now, today. Even if today is messy. No matter where I go or how much I change the path I’m on, the good and the shit will surely follow me.

And this is not meant to be a moment of despairing over the fleeting nature of time. It’s more about questioning why is it so damn hard to just be present for life however it shows up and be relatively cool with that. As I write this my gut is screaming ‘seriously Ann???’ I am not okay with the world as it is. I am not okay with the big and small injustices, the collective despair and frustration and constant gaslighting that happens on too many levels. It’s so hard to hold onto myself, to ground down and believe that there is a power at work that I will never fully understand but believe in anyway. Because, if I didn’t believe in something, what would my life look like, right?

And that belief brings me here. To my ‘bedoffice’ chatting with you on a very hot and muggy day. Contemplating the mess that is waiting for me in my art studio to tidy after I finish this piece. Actually being excited about that, if you can imagine.

There are days I wish I could get away from myself, not think so much about everything. But then I remember that life is an active daily practice..it’s my personal guru and sometimes my playground. And I get to choose at least in this moment how to show up and not abandon myself. As if I could abandon myself anyway.

If you get a chance, check out the book. It’s a good read.