The Part Of You That Has To Die
Art by Ann Clyde
Recently in a very deep and revelatory session I had with my therapist, I remarked in between insights that I felt the pain of grief. Grief over dropping a very old storyline. Grief about without the story, who am I. She said in effect, ‘Of course you do, the person you were has to die to make room for who you are now.’ I’ve come a long way in dissecting the stuff of my life that has held me back, the repeated patterns and toxic behaviors born out of thoughts and beliefs that I took as concrete truths. Even when I thought I had conquered a particular issue, remnants would continue to pop up unexpectedly. ‘I’m 63, and I’m still dealing with this shit?’
Yes Ann, still.
This was a big one though. Life changing for me. At least I hope so. What I feel in my body is radically different pre and post-session. I feel lighter, less ache in my body, calmer. I even see the difference in my reflection.
Just when you think you’re done with something, you’re not. The body never lies. I’m grateful for that in a way. As long as I draw breath, I will be grateful.